Over the last few months I have committed to the task of moving myself to the Los Angeles area to begin my life anew and to be closer to my Beloved Frater (a two hour drive). Though I love my Tribe community, it has become quite apparent that I need to move and seek out more growth professionally, personally, magickally and spiritually in a region that has more resources... that, and my ties locally have been cut: I am not close to my blood family here, my mother has passed, my divorce is final and my job is no longer fulfilling. Timing is also good for my Jupiter Angel since she will be transitioning from elementary school. Over the last 18 months, I have been establishing ties with the Los Angeles magickal community. For many years I avoided the region because I was warned by a judgemental ignorant person that "all LA people are crazy". On the contrary, I have found many balanced, experienced and might I add, very sane magical fork in LA.
The ritual was bittersweet and was held at a local campground that I visited many times over my lifetime. I used to go to the river there, to escape my family and read magical books in the privacy of the river's overgrowth, only detectable by the occasional tube-floating pleasure seeker. My Beloved Frater attended too, his first ritual with my tribe. It meant so much to me to have him meet my pagan family and have the two of us sit in ritual with them. It was heart-warming to give my beloved a kiss and a hug in the warmth of the love of my tribe and near the heart of the ritual fire.
As I do with most offerings to my ancestors, I provided them with some food I cooked myself and a little wine. I gave these offering to the fire and told my tribe stories about my parents because as Lady Mermaid told us at the beginning of the ritual, to share the memories of your loved ones, keeps them alive in others hearts too.
I shared my recent experience with my Jupiter Angel. I have always directly attributed my ability in mathematics and therefore science to my father. Though he only had a third grade education and spoke broken English, I remember him taking the time to teach me long division, patiently and lovingly. I remember how frustrated I was, but he kept encouraging me and kept showing me the steps and process until it just "clicked". The mathematical portion of the female brain develops at a certain time in their development and after that, certain synapses, the mathematical regions of the brain, are sealed and can no longer develop to their fullest potential. A female can still learn to do math, just not excel at it. As a parent, I have been cognizant of this fact and always take great care with my tutelage. The tables were turned one night of homework and I found myself in the same shoes as my father. Jupiter Angel was frustrated and the concept of following a math process was completely beyond her. I showed her how to line up the numbers in neat columns, write the numbers clear, move the decimal places over and to line up the remainder and results neatly. Like me and my dad, we had to do this several times. My Jupiter Angel, despite her reservations about her mathematical ability, has received "Math Magician" (LOL) awards for two years in a row now (she received the second award on November 1, 2013), a fitting tribute, remembrance and honor on the Dia de Los Muertos, for Jupiter Angel, me and my dad.
I took time remembering my blessed life and experiences with my Tribe. I have shared so many experiences with them: growth, sadness, and happiness. I told them how much I loved them and I will miss them, I gave the ritual fire some rose petals for the Tribe. They have become my sisters and brothers. When you share spiritual experiences, rites of passage and milestones with people, the bond and connection becomes as strong as blood itself. As I look back at my troublesome past, I can say it was truly worth it, knowing that it would take me to my present path and my loved ones. I could probably stay but now is time for me to act and make use of this momentum that I have built. There is a lot of uncertainty but like I told my Tribe, "I gotta do this"
Am I scared? A little bit. Does the move and the big changes cause me stress? Absolutely! But at this point, I would lose more if I do not take the plunge and I would regret not taking the opportunity. One adage keeps playing in my head:
If you do not feel uncomfortable, you are really not doing your Work.