Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Walking Through A Fun House

Recently, we observed two astrological phenomena, a lunar eclipse and a solar eclipse. I was playing under the light of the moon as a High Priestess during the lunar eclipse but I missed the solar eclipse because a deep depression has settled into my spirit and has left me contemplative, a darkness that I think is very healthy for us all to go through from time to time. I did catch the sun eclipse images on the Internet though. Jupiter Angel told me it was really cool. She was surprised when I told her I didn't watch it.

The eclipses were significant in my contemplation because my depression has made me cognizant how blinding "Light" can be when stared at too long in duration or when one is in close proximity. 
The eclipses also reminded me how, as magicians, we seek an inner "Light" or "enlightenment" as we work through our own inner darkness. Light is also really good at fooling you, especially if you are too trusting of your own perceptions and expectations.

Now, you see it...Now, you don't
My deep depression came about when one of my loved ones did not sense the deep Love and awe I was feeling and instead had an expectation of negativity, despite their training intellectually, magically and their God-given gift as an empath. I asked myself, "How could they have been so blind?" The event caused me to question my relationships and the very notions of my own intellectual abilities, magickal training and sensitivity. If someone so gifted cannot see, how can I expect to see? Why even do the Work if our propensity is to error?

When you're a sensitive person, the energies you sense from your surroundings can sometimes seem like walking through an LSD-effected carnival fun house. The images you see and the senses you feel are a warped representation of the real world, scary and surreal. Some magicians I know, have no psychic abilities whatsoever, or the abilities only manifest when they are doing a working, like a Tarot reading or a ritual. The Work can also increase or magnify our sensitivities, both negative and positive.

Are those teeth or Yods?
As an aside, I believe that is why it is so important to develop and learn the symbol sets required for our Work. It gives us a common "language" for us to communicate and understand other realms, different time periods or other forces. Like the light of all distant stars, certain phenomena has specific recognizable frequencies or modulations, that can be identifiable by the trained observer.
If you take the leap of faith and believe that we are all just composed of the particles of the cosmos,  the analogy between the directly observable of the stars and the inner quest of our own True Will is not too far reaching.

Some very talented and experienced magicians I know have led a tortured existence and it's no wonder that they have chosen the Path of Magick to empower themselves. They have felt true pain, loss and heartache. My heart sees them, they struggle through life and their clumsiness is the same as my own. They do the ritual to their deities to make themselves stronger in a particular area, for example, communication. They create their own kind of drug-induced Disneyland. They say their Hymns to Hermes, invoke Thoth through Israfel and Whatever Rite of Lord God of Tongue and the Spirit gives them exactly what they ask for. They learn exactly what it means to have sharpness in tongue and the true power of their words. Some say, the bullied become bullys themselves. Like the swing of the pendulum, in order for one to achieve balance, a state of inertia, the pendulum must swing in the opposite direction
"Everything flows out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right, is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates." — The Kybalion.
This deep depression has given me a sense similar to a very specific CM motion, the Sign of Silence (SOS) or the Sign of Har-Par-Krat. A Frater describe the motion as, "Be Still":

Be Still!

The SOS is a motion imploring for the absence of sound or ceasing of activity. The sign is analogous to punctuation; a proverbial, ritual or kinesthetic, exclamation point. The sign also serves as impervious barrier. Har-Par-Krat is not merely the absence of sound. The allusion of the motion is also to cease a wild and potentially problematic pendulum swing.

During this personal SOS, I have been able to step back away from my previous situation and assess the situation, without the poison from my own perspectives and expectations or the toxins from other people's emotional pollution. It has allowed me to hear that small voice inside, that cannot be heard over the din of my mind and my feelings. Then, the eclipse happened and I remembered something crucial I learned in college.

The Sun bends Light from the Stars

Einstein and Newton both have theories about the deflection of Light. In Newtonian physics, deflection of light is caused by gravity, the force of the Sun's gravity attracting the rays of light from the stars. In Einstein's Theory of Relativity, the light deflection is cause by a deformation of both space and time caused by the mass, not an attraction. The deflection in both cases are very slight, but measurable. 

SpaceTime Curvature

This notion was exactly what my engineer's brain needed to wrap itself around what it meant to be "human", to be riddled with error. As we bring in the Light within ourselves, the Gnosis imprints itself on to our very existence, warping our reality and our sense of time and space. The change is inevitable and expected. It is like my latest epiphany during Easter when I realized that the Eucharist was not about blood, gore and sacrifice, but about taking the knowledge and understanding of the mysteries so much that we become a manifestation of the Truth itself. We become the source of the Light. We have to first face our fears and acknowledge the negativity, which is actually a deflection or change. We have to understand how the Light behaves in the Darkness of ourselves and how we initially perceive that Light so that we may understand the source and environment itself.

Like the pendulum, our propensity is to swing wildly in the opposite direction upon invocation of the "Force" of the Light, to achieve a sense of inertia. The swing is very painful.

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” ― C.G. Jung
 Without any training of meditation, contemplation and prayer, that is the embodiment of the SOS, our lives begin to become uncontrollable and we lose the ability to "Be Still". Frater RA alluded to the idea that , Karma is an increasing propensity to be aware of something. IMO, as we continue to overcompensate and try to fight the lessons of the Darkness, the lessons continue to appear.

I think Einstein was channeling Har-Par-Krat when he made the following statement:
“If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x, y is play, and z is keeping your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
My point is this, if you life is shifting wildly out of control and some things do not make sense, give the situation and yourself, the SOS. Then, you may be able to understand and perceive the true source of the light.

The magician will always keep silent with respect to his way, rise and success. The silence grants the highest powers and the more this commandment is obeyed, the more easily accessible will these powers be.   -Franz Bardon,  Initiation Into Hermetics



Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Easter at Ecclesia Gnostica

For Easter this year, I wanted to make it a good one. The first and foremost meaning of Easter to me always has been resurrection and since my life has felt like one big resurrection of myself, I felt it appropriate to acknowledge and celebrate the holiday, given the energy in the air.

I really wanted to go to mass this year and since I am located in the Los Angeles area now, the choices for rituals are more abundant. Every now and then I like to honor my Christian roots, specifically Catholic. I think I am one of the few pagans that has had and still has a positive experience with Christianity. I decided to go to the Ecclesia Gnostica in Glendale, CA where I was fortunate to behold the very Holy and magickal Bishop Stephan Hoeller.

His mass was an absolute beauty to behold and I found myself weeping at times and sometimes holding back great big sobs so as not to make a spectacle of myself in front of Bishop, parishioners, church and God. It was truly touching. Before my eyes, I saw the Holy Spirit being invoked and great choirs of angels filled the low-lying ceiling to the point I could not see the ceiling beams and only points of light as if I was staring into the night sky itself.  I humbly and gratefully partook of the Eucharist, my first in decades from a Christian church. (As an aside, for a moment I was concerned because I had not done Confession before the Eucharist, which is expected in the Roman Catholic church. I was quickly comforted with a soft voice, saying, "Its OK, just do it")

It was there that a piece of my own Gnosis came to fruition. I used to think that the Eucharist was about sacrifice, that Jesus was sacrificed for our sins. But as I sat in that ritual, I remembered my Catholic Confirmation and the Stations of the Cross. I learned the stations from the Father and the many times I saw the depictions painted on the walls of the church. The images floated in my mind's eyes and I saw my own life's struggles. I let that little wafer soaked in wine dissolve slowly on my tongue, as I was taught when I was a child and I allowed both the effigy and the story it represented become one with me. Then, I realized the Eucharist was not solely about sacrifice. It is about taking in the wisdom and knowledge of the mysteries, regardless of what tradition, within ourselves to the point where we become an embodiment of the Truth that the mysteries convey.

It was not all the blood and gore that I used to fear when I was a child... taking the "Body and Blood" of Christ. It was not meant to be literal. The message is to take on the force and form of the Gnosis, with the body being a metaphor for form and the blood being a metaphor for force.

I was pleasantly surprised when Bishop Hoeller began to speak about the very thoughts from my epiphany and added that if Christians do not begin to stop taking these ideas so literally, it would mean great loss of faith, or even death itself.

The rite left me contemplative, like no other mass or ritual has done. It has taken me this long to actually write about it.


Monday, March 17, 2014

Conjuring Codependence

"There is no part of me that is not of the Gods!"

For those of you who have never experienced a Gnostic Mass put on by the Ordo Templi Orientes, the above phrase is the statement you make after taking communion. The phrase made me wonder at first, because I always have a hard time with double negatives...

Why isn't it stated: "All of me is of the Gods!"

One thing that has also been lingering on my mind is also the idea of manifestation. I think that manifestation is already easy for some people. If I was Sir Richard Branson, it would be easy to conjure up my own private island complete with castle:

Necker Island in the British Virgin Islands.

I think some people already have the resources available to them to become successful, powerful and wealthy and therefore have the means to "manifest". If you're heterosexual blond and blue-eyed male born to an affluent family, you can expect success, stability and fortune. I can attest to this fact by the number of blond blue-eyed males in my engineering classes in college. Even the ratio of women to men was relatively low compared to the regular population. Whenever people purport their ability to manifest certain things, I always wonder how much Will or magick did they really put into it? I wonder what the actual change was from the baseline. What was the difference?  Did the change involve any internal work?  In my current state, I am having to put a lot of work finding a new home with certain requirements. If, all of the sudden, I manifest a castle on an island, then I can claim success of manifestation, a LOT of magick. (Note: Branson purchased his island getaway at age 28, six years after beginning Virgin Galactic. Now, doesn't THAT make you feel like an underachiever?? LOLOL)

In mathematics, the difference or the change is denoted by the symbol Delta:

Upper Case and Lower Case Delta


The distinction between upper case Delta and lower case delta is the relative change or difference. Upper case Delta represents a macroscopic change (with respect to time, 'wrt') and lower case Delta represents an infinitesimal change (wrt). It's interesting to note the symbol for a macroscopic change is an upwards pointing isosceles triangle, a very stable figure, which alludes to the idea that the larger or more macroscopic the change is with respect to time, the more stable and lasting the change. Whereas, the lower case Delta is a flowing and more volatile form. Magick is stronger, more stable and more productive when the change coincides with a change within the magician. You are able to manifest Divine because the divine is already manifested within yourself. Great strength, wisdom and experience is developed from overcoming struggles and issues. You get out, as much as you put into it.

Infinitesimal change, which is represented by the lower case Delta, is like some of the magick I see in the fluffy bunny culture: get a little incense or potion, say a few words, conjure up a spirit or deity and "POOF"...your life is changed. Some people have success with this magick (I hesitate using the word, "magick") but it doesn't incorporate a well-defined intent or forethought. It's interesting to note that many lottery winners end up losing their fortunes because they simply cannot manage it. It's the same with certain magickal endeavours. A small modification of environment or slight change of perception, that is, an infinitesimal change, will produce only a fleeting result... like the curvature of small Delta.

As an aside,when working with Jupiter, I always caution people that success and wealth can also be the picture of stress, overwhelm and excess. The deadly sin in the context of Jupiter is gluttony (excess)? It's no wonder that the Orphic Hymn to Jupiter ends with the line, "...give blameless health, with Peace Divine and necessary wealth"

So let's get back to the idea of "there's no part of me that is not of the Gods" and the idea of conjuring codependency. IMO, one of the main differences between monotheism and polytheism is that polytheism tends to associate their deities with very human-like characteristics. It's that whole idea of "As above, so below.." The Gods also display sloth, gluttony, anger, pride, lust, avarice and envy. These attributes tend to be enhanced during deity summoning. The lesson continues to re-occur until resolution, reconciliation or redemption. It may not be the best definition but here is the definition of codependency according to Wikipedia:

Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.
...so, let me see here? Do we have any deities that have a "pathological conditions", such as pride (therefore a form of narcissism) or addiction (therefore of gluttony) and are there magicians that may be affected with low self-esteem, denial and excessive compliance? I believe a considerable amount of people try magick to empower themselves but they don't realize the real power is not within the deities, tools or the other magickal items. They become dependent upon these things: the deity becomes the focus of their energy, the blade becomes their comforting warm blanket and the incense becomes a means to drown out the world around them. They may step into the shoes and gowns of the goddess but only for a bit and the process is very much like a toddler playing dress-up with mommy's clothes and makeup, very coy but sophomoric at its best.

Playing Dress-up
My point for this post is to make My Dear Readers cognizant that some people's claim of "manifestation" success may be simply attributed to their background. It's easy to get a job if you're part of the "good ole boys" network and to have stability if you stay at the same mundane boring job for decades. No great changes, and therefore magick,  have occurred in some people's lives relative to the baseline of the affluent life they were born into. Like the Birthday Party Magician, he pulls the rabbit out of the hat, not from thin air, but from a hidden compartment.
Birthday Party Magician pulls the rabbit out his hat.

The real magician is the person who has experienced the Path of the Fool. The One who has traveled a road of unknown with little resources and has experienced a definitive change of consciousness.  The Fool has stepped off the Cliff of Stability, Fortune and Comfort to begin his/her own Life, not from a conjured codependence but a world of great independent macroscopic internal and followed by external change.

Rider Waite Fool Card

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Out of Sync

In engineering there is a thing called "mass imbalance". It is what causes your washing machine to thump because the load is heavier on one side. Mass imbalance creates a great force, an impact (anyone who runs to turn off the washing machine because they are afraid its gonna run away, knows what I mean). Well, that "force" creates a positive momentum, even though it is an imbalance. It can propel anything forward.

If you think about this in a spiritual way, the mechanism is the same. Anytime our lives feel out of sync or imbalanced, it really means you are moving and changing, spiritually. As above, so below...

A body in rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion, unless the body is compelled to change its state. -Newton's First Law


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Too Much or Not Enough

People who complain too much, have too much time on their hands and not much power in their life. People who don't complain enough, don't have enough time on their hands or enough control over their Life. People who learn to balance time, power and control, know Beauty. People who have too much power and control do not know or have time for Love.


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Respect for the Little Guy, 小傢伙

I haven't blogged for quite so time. There are so many changes occurring in my life right now and I have also been devoting quite a bit of time to the Great Work. Something happened tonight that, to some, would have been, "No big deal", or "Insignificant", but for me, was quite momentous.

My Jupiter Angel had a pet hamster. I disliked rodents and I didn't want the pet. I have always had a bit of a fear of rodents since I read Charles Dickens, "A Tale of Two Cities", at a impressionable and wildly imaginative age. My perceptions of rodents were poisoned with images of plague, darkness and filth.  I told Jupiter Angel that the pet was her responsibility. Our former hamsters were always the kids' responsibility. I also disliked the shortness of their lifespan, smell of their cages, their habit of biting, their fragility and the frequent times the hamsters got loose from their cage. Basically, I disliked the whole notion of rodent.

Little Guy was different though. He had a different personality. He was friendly, curious and seemed to always want to climb up his cage to say hello to me. I tried very hard to keep my detachment and distance from the rodent, but it was just too hard. I ended up just kinda loving his little spirit. Many times, I could hear his little voice, asking me for special treats, like crackers or a piece of fruit and I always humbly obliged him with parts of salads, cracker pieces or end pieces of fruit. He would show his gratitude by showing off his great hamster abilities of climbing to the very tops of his wire cage, running sprints on his wheel and just generally showing feats of training for the Great Hamster Triathlon. He was absolutely adorable!! He was a model for "living in the moment".

He passed yesterday night. I knew he wasn't doing too well and tried to nurse him back to health through some tender loving care and good food with nutrients. It felt sad to me to see his lifeless body where before, he was a little bundle of happy energy. Since I am squeamish with dead things, I was tempted to take the easy route and just dump the entire cage into the bin, pretending it was no big deal and insignificant. It would be taken away in the muck and smell of the garbage truck. But Jupiter Angel told me a story of her last hamster. Her father had scolded her for not caring for the animal. She had memories of her father over handling the hamster's dead body and he kept dropping him over and over and over, very callously.

I realized, I needed to be an adult for Jupiter Angel and get over my issues for myself... and also acknowledge my own feelings for the animal and the pet's ability to change my perception. Within his small 2-3 ounce body were very large tools of joy, healing and growth, very much deserving of proper respect and homage.

I also asked myself, "How can I call myself a badass magician, if I cant even handle the burial of a small but well-loved pet??"

While moving his body, I kept having internal arguments with myself of "It's no big deal", "This is entirely stupid or unnecessary, just get rid of it" and "ICK!!!" but I forced myself to focus on the love, respect and ritual of the ordeal. I was surprised how quickly my High Priestess, just kinda kicked in, instead of the immaturity and squeamishness.

I picked a spot under a tree and a rose bush in nice rich soil, which is near a little rock garden. I consecrated his body, as I have done for others (humans), and said prayers to the Divine for his little spirit. I thought of how rodents are associated with one of my patrons and asked the deity to grant his entrance to his temple, as a being of honor. I gave him a nice grave and lit special incense on his burial mound.

Jupiter Angel was afraid to see him afterwards but seemed quite comforted after I showed her the nice grave I gave him. I told her how hard it was for me. She somberly and quietly paid her respect. .

Was this a being of darkness, disease and filth? Was this ordeal insignificant or "no big deal".


I wanted to impart to Jupiter Angel the value of honoring all beings and animals are not just disposable and trash. The lesson was as much of a test of my own Will, as it was a lesson of closure and respect for all Life for my Jupiter Angel.  Besides, I really liked the Little Guy.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Random Visions of the Apocalyspe, Chapter 12

No commentary on this posts, just pictures that reminded me of the Bible passage. Sometimes, images can speak a thousand words

Relevation 12:1-17 or "Chapter 12"

12 A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head.

Rider-Waite-Smith, High Priestess and Empress Tarot

2 She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. 3 Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. 4 Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. 

Azoth of the Philosophers

The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. 

Goya: Saturn Devouring His Son
5 She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.”[a] And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. 6 The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

7 Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. 
Archangel Michael Fighting the "Dragon"

8 But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. 9 The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
12 Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”

13 When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. 14 The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. 

Isis With Outstretched Wings

15 Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent.16 But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. 17 Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.