I haven't blogged for quite so time. There are so many changes occurring in my life right now and I have also been devoting quite a bit of time to the Great Work. Something happened tonight that, to some, would have been, "No big deal", or "Insignificant", but for me, was quite momentous.
My Jupiter Angel had a pet hamster. I disliked rodents and I didn't want the pet. I have always had a bit of a fear of rodents since I read Charles Dickens, "A Tale of Two Cities", at a impressionable and wildly imaginative age. My perceptions of rodents were poisoned with images of plague, darkness and filth. I told Jupiter Angel that the pet was her responsibility. Our former hamsters were always the kids' responsibility. I also disliked the shortness of their lifespan, smell of their cages, their habit of biting, their fragility and the frequent times the hamsters got loose from their cage. Basically, I disliked the whole notion of rodent.
Little Guy was different though. He had a different personality. He was friendly, curious and seemed to always want to climb up his cage to say hello to me. I tried very hard to keep my detachment and distance from the rodent, but it was just too hard. I ended up just kinda loving his little spirit. Many times, I could hear his little voice, asking me for special treats, like crackers or a piece of fruit and I always humbly obliged him with parts of salads, cracker pieces or end pieces of fruit. He would show his gratitude by showing off his great hamster abilities of climbing to the very tops of his wire cage, running sprints on his wheel and just generally showing feats of training for the Great Hamster Triathlon. He was absolutely adorable!! He was a model for "living in the moment".
He passed yesterday night. I knew he wasn't doing too well and tried to nurse him back to health through some tender loving care and good food with nutrients. It felt sad to me to see his lifeless body where before, he was a little bundle of happy energy. Since I am squeamish with dead things, I was tempted to take the easy route and just dump the entire cage into the bin, pretending it was no big deal and insignificant. It would be taken away in the muck and smell of the garbage truck. But Jupiter Angel told me a story of her last hamster. Her father had scolded her for not caring for the animal. She had memories of her father over handling the hamster's dead body and he kept dropping him over and over and over, very callously.
I realized, I needed to be an adult for Jupiter Angel and get over my issues for myself... and also acknowledge my own feelings for the animal and the pet's ability to change my perception. Within his small 2-3 ounce body were very large tools of joy, healing and growth, very much deserving of proper respect and homage.
I also asked myself, "How can I call myself a badass magician, if I cant even handle the burial of a small but well-loved pet??"
While moving his body, I kept having internal arguments with myself of "It's no big deal", "This is entirely stupid or unnecessary, just get rid of it" and "ICK!!!" but I forced myself to focus on the love, respect and ritual of the ordeal. I was surprised how quickly my High Priestess, just kinda kicked in, instead of the immaturity and squeamishness.
I picked a spot under a tree and a rose bush in nice rich soil, which is near a little rock garden. I consecrated his body, as I have done for others (humans), and said prayers to the Divine for his little spirit. I thought of how rodents are associated with one of my patrons and asked the deity to grant his entrance to his temple, as a being of honor. I gave him a nice grave and lit special incense on his burial mound.
Jupiter Angel was afraid to see him afterwards but seemed quite comforted after I showed her the nice grave I gave him. I told her how hard it was for me. She somberly and quietly paid her respect. .
Was this a being of darkness, disease and filth? Was this ordeal insignificant or "no big deal".
I wanted to impart to Jupiter Angel the value of honoring all beings and animals are not just disposable and trash. The lesson was as much of a test of my own Will, as it was a lesson of closure and respect for all Life for my Jupiter Angel. Besides, I really liked the Little Guy.