Why do I feel resentful? There are lazy whiney people in this world. The whole system just encourages it or folks dont want to use the system as a tool to get off their asses to do "work". It makes me want to shake those people who have access to the tools and they dont use it. Herein lies a foundation for part of my resentment.
My parents worked hard raising 7 children. They paid their taxes and put some effort into assimilating into the culture and learning the tool of the English. It was difficult but they made it through. Then i look at these non-english people who get public assistance in their own native tongues, who appear to stay within the system indefinitely, for generations. They are gifted with the benefits of the system because of their ethnicity.
When I was finishing up college, I was told that I could not be on Welfare because I had too much of an education, even though, my profession really requires a higher level of education in order to even get your feet in the door. My son and i lived on student loans and ate alot of ramen whilst other people in the system got food stamps and health care. Trying to get your 6-year old son into a doctor when he's got a 104 temp. is painful if you dont have health insurance or a regular doctor.
I cant get into a lodge because of logistical/geographical regions and yet I cant obtain the secrets because I'm not part of a lodge and yet those who have the resources available to them, won't use their tools to work the system. I study information i can get, devour it, work on implements and practice as much as I can.
I am part of a pagan group, which consists of Wiccans and Druids. Since it is my only non-solitary resource of information, besides Facebook, I attend regularly and try to translate the tools of information into something I can relate to. The Purple Witch gave me an insightful story, the story of the Seven Ravens by the Grimm Brothers
So here are my questions I need to meditate on that have alot to do with resentment and a Path:
Do I want to be in a "family" that curses their children, despite innocent accidents?
Do I want to be part of a family that withholds valuable information and resources that is crucial part of my identity?
Should I appreciate that my only provisions for my journey are only the staples of bread, water and a stool?
Do I really need to cut off my finger to unite with my "brothers"?
Wasnt it purely by accident that my mom's ring fell off my finger and revealed my true identity to my brothers, as their sister?
And in conclusion, my final finger bone to pick. The moral of the story is that the sister exhibited self-sacrifice, was willing to take the risks and had the courage to set out on the journey for her brothers.You have to put yourself on the line every now and then to get anywhere. You have to care enough about your lost brothers (and sisters), regardless of the anonymity and secrets, to preserve your family.