I go through bouts of feeling unworthy. I have alot of issues and when I feel unworthy, my first knee jerk reaction is to isolate myself to prevent my problems from effecting anyone else. I implode. I become uncommunicative and I don't want to impose my problems on anyone else. I care for people so I can usually justify my reactions.
You know those people whose feelings, just pour out of them, so easily and with fluidity.? Well, I am the exact opposite if I don't keep myself in check. I asked a friend what he thought about my feelings of unworthiness and he told me it was an issue of ego.
"Huh!, really, here I thought ego was an inflated sense of self. Yeah right! Gotta go check Websters on that one"
Then I thought about it and thought about it, felt sorry for myself and thought about it some more. Magickally, I came across the following note:
Unbalanced severity is cruelty and oppression. Unbalanced mercy is but would allow and abet evil.
This is along the lines of the sephirot that I've been working on, mercy and severity. By allowing myself to feel unworthy, i put the severity on myself in unbalance. By allowing myself to have too mercy on people by not sharing my issues, I pose unbalance on evil. People step all over you when you exhibit too much Mercy, either within the context of the mercy given, or not. Then, you become like a magnet to people who will treat you like shit. They come out of the woodwork!
What i took from this message, was to give myself a break and share my issues. the issues were given to me for a purpose, to share that i am a human and perhaps someone, like me, can use the wisdom I received to help get through their difficult times. I need to stop giving the pendulum Force to swing in either direction by finding the Balance. If one swings the pendulum one way, it will eventually swing the other way.
Newton's First law: Every body remains in a state of rest or uniform motion unless it is acted upon by an external unbalanced force.
Another tidbit of wisdom:
We cannot deal with evil by cutting it off and destroying it, only by absorbing it and harmonizing it -Dion Fortune