My legal battles has taken a turn for the worse and now, my ex will be take me for most of what I am worth. Unfortunately, although I am a woman, I am in what is typically the man's position for my divorce, in that, I will have to give up most of my net worth to my exhusband. Sucks! Doesn't it?!
I divorced my exhusband because a part of me was literally dying, my soul. If you use your efforts from the bottom of your heart to try fix someone, it sucks you dry. It drains your energy. A friend of mine just recently called this energy essence, the Life Force. I agree with him.
He mentioned this Life Force in the context of being an introvert, as opposed to an extrovert. Introverts require time for themselves in order to reclaim their energy. I have always considered myself an introvert in the classical sense since I need considerable time alone to recoup my energy levels. I tend to need an abundance of time for meditation and prayer. Extroverts tend to drain me drastically if I don't have the proper shields up, which isn't always possible when one is trying to open themselves up to the Love of the universe. There are things that need to be learned and one cannot do that without interactions with All-That-There-Is.
My friend (don't have a nickname for him) made mention of his Life Force because he has problems with socialization. He feels that because he is an introvert, he has a harder time opening up to people. I comforted him and provided him with my own mechanism for coping in a crowd and reclaiming my energy: Find the company of other introverts because in a crowd of people, you do not ever have to apologize for being quiet with another introvert.
Giving up your Life Force is not necessarily something that is bad. I gave up much of it during my marriage, which I still need to make peace with, but I also give up much of it for my children. I will never regret giving my children my Life Force. For me, "giving it up" is a sign of self sacrifice, of True Will and Love. I also give up much of my Life Force to my dear friends. I find that this energy exchange is a vital part of the engine of the Universe. However, as an introvert, it takes more strength to give up that essence to somebody else and it takes Daring. One also has To Know, that as an introvert, we have a stronger tie to the Universe, because we are stronger at being Silent.
In post script, this has provided me with alot of comfort that I have been desperately seeking, especially since I feel my universe is tumbling down upon me. With more meditation on the topic, I might even make peace with the fact that I gave so much of myself in my marriage. It all reminds me of the phrase:
TO KNOW, TO WILL, TO DARE, TO BE SILENT
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