This weekend was the equinox, a time for rebirth of moving on and letting go. It was a weekend of mishaps and confronting my own demons. My biggest appears to be EGO and pride... I am a Leo afterall. I have these issues. I am trying really hard. Its a BIG challenge for me, to be the better person.
This weekend I spent most of the weekend quietly observing and listening to people. I still continue to wonder if the Path I have chosen is the correct one. For the time being, I am good but I have already have had several VERY SIGNIFICANT indications that I should keep my heart, eyes and ears open for something else. Don't know what it is but it's there LOOMING in the distance. Had I not had some outside validation of a potential CHANGE, I might have suspected it was mainly caused by my pride problems.
One of which, is I am beginning to lose one of my favorite teachers as a mentor. I knew it would happen eventually. I have been feeling myself fall in the priority scale lately. The fall felt like a ton of bricks and it landed on me just recently. Needless to say, it was painful. I guess it just happens, teachers taken on students and after a while, they need to help others on the Path. I hold fast to the idea that we are in this Work alone and I need to find my own victories. It still makes me sad though. It reminds me of when I was a performing artist (I'm classically trained) and it was time to change teachers. There comes a point where one goes beyond the field of expertise of a teacher. One achieves a certain high level and then that level only becomes obsolete. I just didn't think it would happen so fast.
Perhaps it has something to do with some Work I have been doing for CHANGE. I think I need to rethink my methods. RO commented that the magick requires periodic maintenance. Although his post was mainly about recharging and reconsecration, I see periodic maintence in the metaphorical terms of an engine. Change has been coming at me TOO HARD AND TOO FAST lately. I cannot catch a break. I need to change it up a little. The engine I have been working on is a little older now and perhaps rethinking a routine maintenance plan for it is in order. Perhaps I need to change the air fuel ratio? Perhaps I just need to change the engine?
It almost feels like its time to move from a piston engine to a turbine. I have always had an easier time with Air