I write this feeling a little depressed. My finances are tight and my paycheck took a cut, which SUCKS. I am in debt since the divorce and my ex has provided little support for the kids since he does not have a job. I am, tho, extremely grateful that I DO have a job. I know it could be worse. I have friends who situations are a bit more bleak, so I know.
Lately, I have been looking for messages from the goddess. Looking for symbols, extraordinary events and well, basically trying to be aware of things that are supposed to provide me hints on my spiritual growth. A variation of the word "balance" has popped up several times in different unique situations. The word has a very magickal significance to me now.
I continue to do the LBRP, BHR and MP daily and of course, my meditations. There was a short time when I thought I was doing it perfectly but then my fraters made sure to correct that. Now, I can confidently say I feel awkward again but I continue to persevere with my awkwardness. Nobody's watching me, except some badass angels so who gives a flying fuck. I keep trying.
I been having 2nd thoughts about my Path. I guess that's just part of it since one of my teachers expressed his approval when I mentioned it. I found his approval a bit twisted but I am finding that the desire to ring your teacher's neck is somewhere between Kether and Tiphareth on the Tree of Life. I think there's also gotta be a Tarot card for it, one of the swords, definitely!