On Saturday night, our pagan tribe celebrated Yule. The purple witch lead the ritual, which used the Egyptian pantheon. Typically, we use the Greek or the Celtic pantheons. It was a nice change.
I have been calling a quarter for the Tribe rituals for a while now and I got stuck on the air quarter. It was familiar to me so I stuck with it. I was avoiding water, like the plague. I have a difficult time with water. I never know quite know what to do with it. My overwhelming issues with water are my emotions but my issues with my emotions had prevented me from looking into the other attributes of water. For several weeks now, I have been focusing on understanding trying to understand the other attributes of water in preparation for the Yule ritual and my quarter call, which will no doubt inspire a future post on Hod.
The element of water is a feminine energy, which I always had difficulties with. Prior to returning to the Path, I used to say, "I am comfortable with my masculinity!" In a male-dominated profession, it becomes quite easy to butch up or become totally androgynous and become one of the guys. Unfortunately, what happens with this type shift is something similar to what happens to drag queens. One becomes a caricature.
Although my personality is not quite as severely masculine as it was 10 years ago, I still went out of my way this last 3 or 4 weeks to bring out and enjoy the feminine energy within me. What happened? I got moody: crying at odd times, flying off the handle and overly sentimental. What else happened? I went through a type of awareness and then an internal healing, something that I never thought was an issue of my personality, a mother part of me. Somehow, that part of me was taking over, bringing me down and causing me a multitude of problems. Now that I am aware of it, I can take steps to get it back under control.
The night I did my quarter for Yule, the strength of my vibrations were incredible. I found gained a new understanding of myself and used that energy to control an issue that has been plaguing me. I could definitely feel the difference.