A Prayer for MY Jupiter Angel

My sweet little girl was born in December. She's smart, witty and wise. She is also very beautiful. She's my Jupiter angel. We have a bond that started when she was in the womb, strengthened when I breast-fed her and continues on today. Here is a little prayer and a blessing I came up with

Oh Lord of the Universe, please bless my sweet little Jupiter Angel
May she always know her inner beauty and inner strength

But never fully realize how powerful her outer beauty is
until she's out of college,
magna cum laude with a professional degree

May she never decide to use the travesty
of a bottle of bleach to cheapen
her chameleon reddish brown hair with blondish highlights

May she have a sense of style
because style implies a sense of self
but not to the point where she needs designer threads
to leave the house to run to the grocery store

Forgive me, oh Lord,
but I refuse to show patience if I have to wait 45 minutes to buy milk
whilst she dresses in the perfect outfit with the perfect hair
Besides, oh Lord,
I can save thousands of dollars on clothes
so I can send her to college to get her magna cum laude

May we never have the screaming matches like some mother/daughters do
And can always settle our differences
over a topping/calorie loaded containers of non-fat frozen yogurt
with purple and yellow sprinkles

Bless her with the strength and the ability
to use a swift roundhouse kick
to the balls of any putz who tries to violate her
May that putz be cursed with a day of oozing purple and yellow spotted dick
Protect the little putz so that he will never be found
by my son ...or my ex... or my ex's outlaw family
because he surely will be found in a barrel
Protect the little putz from our family of magickal folk
so he doesn't permanently get an oozing purple and yellow spotted dick
with non-fat yogurt squeezing out
Above all, oh Lord, grant me strength that I do not succumb
to the temptation of turning the putz into a giant spotted oozing dick

May she never date a guy,
until she has her magna cum laude,
that has any of the following:
A Harley, a vehicle that goes faster than 65 MPH, sagging baggy pants with underwear showing (actually Lord, please never), a personally tabbed and highlighted version of Regardie's complete works or a stamp collection

Please, oh Lord
She needs to know how to check the oil on her car and air the tires
Balance the checkbook
And also know how to make a good roux

May we always share a box of tissues and hugs when she is down
May she learn to have compassion, show wisdom and experience Joy

Protect her from harm
May she find Love, May she experience Life, May she find Light

Finally, oh Lord of the Universe,
After she has obtained her magna cum laude and she is independently wealthy.
When she decides to take a break from her career to have a child
May I be granted the blessing of teaching her how to breast-feed her child myself

Amen