Friday, August 23, 2013

Goddess Mama Magick with Morning Giggles

I am a practicing magician but I am also, first and foremost, a single professional working mom. Mornings are a struggle for me, especially since some nights I am up to the wee hours of the morning: studying, writing, meditating or doing ritual. I incorporate the Work into my mundane life, through things like prayer. Some days, prayer is the only thing I have time for, besides my regular responsibilities. Since life can be kinda crazy and hectic, it also helps to incorporate a little humor. I hope my Dear Readers like these tongue-in-cheek mama morning rituals:


Ideally, every morning, I would wake with the Get Out of Bed Rite, the Liber CC Rite.


Liber CC, Cup of Coffee 

Let her greet the Pot at some ungodly-early hour of the morning, giving the sign of the middle finger and let her say in a crabby voice:

Hail unto Thee who art Caffeine in Thy brewing, even unto Thee who art Caffeine of my strength, who percolates over the Grounds of Thy Beans at the Uprising of the Sun.
Juan Valdez standeth in His splendour at the prow, and StaRa-Bucks-Whore abideth at the helm.
Hail unto Thee from the Abodes of Night!


After my first cup of coffee, I have to make the kids get ready (FYI, I dont have 4 human kids) so we can get out the door, which is a magickal, juggling and balancing act, in and of itself. It's a blessing to be able to finally cross the threshold in the mornings.


"Tarot - I - The Juggler" by Anna Z.E. Miller


First-Born, Second-Born...(Let's Get Out the Door Ritual)

Thee I invoke, the first-born, the second born, the third born and the fourth born

Thee, that didst drank all the milk
Thee, that didst ate me out of house and home
Thee, that didst need new running shoes
Thee, that didst create a project for the School Fair

Thou art thirsty
Thou art always hungry
Thou art stinky
Thou art late

Thou didst get a drink of water?
Thou didst use the bathroom?
Thou didst put your shoes and socks on?
Thou didst not forget your homework?

Come Thou forth and follow Mom
Make all Children subject unto Me, so that every Child of this Family, the Sons, the Daughters, my Kid's Best Friend, the Cat and the Dogs: upon the Couch, crawling on the Floor and under the Bed: in the kitchen and in the bathroom: whirling upon ceiling fans, and setting the house on Fire: and every Hellcat and Little Shit may be obedient unto me.


Once I am out the door, I say prayers to the Goddess and the Divine and Loyal Spirit of my Vehicle.


Hymn to Toyota (Ravimus),  

[Fumigation with Carbon Monoxide]

O Toyota (Ravimus) much honor'd, Toyota (Ravimus) Great, to thee our Blessed Trips we designate;
O come Thou, blessed Ignition Spark, begin the roaring Engine I so desperately hark.
Source of transportation, my SUV King,
Drive me so I can drop off my kid at that school event thing.
Propitious hear my pray'r, Grant me Power to get to Work by 8
and the Blessing of Timeliness so I wont be late.


And Finally, once I do get the kids to school, I need to get through the myriad of passwords and IDs for my various accounts at work. Tis a noble cause, only for the strong and not the meek and proper homage must be paid to the little demons in my computer.


Prayer to the Passwords

O Passwords!, How I so loathe thee! Thou Demon Keys who granteth me passage into the Hidden Gates! Thou, who remindeth me of the Limitations of my Mind. Thou, who lies at the tip of my tongue and hidden within the buried memory of my fingertips. Be ye secure, alpha-numeric and symbolic and greater than 8 characters but be ye memorable to the end!!

QED

8 comments:

Scott said...

Funny funny funny! I don't know which one I love most! Liber Ravimus, or the 'Get out the door' rite. Can Liber CC be done with Chai?

The Unlikely Mage said...

That is the most awesome thing I've read in some time. Well done!

PhoenixAngel said...

@Scott: IDK the deities for the Tea Pantheon... well, maybe Yogi Bhajan for the male deity but I am not so sure for the female deity

PhoenixAngel said...

@Unlikely Mage: I am so glad you enjoyed the post. :D I loved creating it. It was inspired by the long arduous tasks of reading through, trying to understand and performing certain rites, that I am certain you have also had experience with. It helps me sometimes when I can ham it up a bit

HilbertAstronaut said...

LIBER CC IS AWESOME

http://www.fusn.org/content/coffee-hour

PhoenixAngel said...

Thanks HilbertAstronaut.."giggle". My favorite part is StaRa-Bucks Whore

HilbertAstronaut said...

:-D I could actually use a name for a book of orations on the subject of writing code. Liber CC inspires me :-)

matt lee said...

Excellent stuff, love Liber CC.