Monday, June 13, 2011

Conjuring Up A Suitor

I haven't really been looking for a boyfriend. A good lay every now and again would be nice... but boyfriend? NAH!!! Every now and then I ask my tarot reader when she sees a relationship in the cards and she tells me this month or that month, to no avail. I have had a few crushes though. For the most part, crushes for me are unattainable people. Sometimes, crushes become obsessions. I tend to put people on pedestals when I am obsessed with them. When I am obsessed that person can "do no wrong", which tends to cloud my judgement. Nobody can meet those standards. My sisters always tell me that I have too high standards. I have to agree with that. Thank God, I have finally learned my lesson about obsession now.

Relationships take time and effort. Since I have decided I want to spend my efforts on the Path, it would not have been fair to a boyfriend that I would not have time for. My boyfriend dilemma was also worsened by the fact that my kids need my love and attention and my job tends to put me in situations where I have to work late. My kids feelings have always come first so several months back I knew that it was not time for a boyfriend when a male friend dropped me off at my home and my son became so jealous and possessive, he reminded me of a rooster showing dominance.

Things have changed over the last couple of months when it comes to dating. My son gave me his blessing on dating when he said to me, "You know mom, you really should go out and have fun more often." My kids are more mature now and they have taken a liking to "just hanging" with each other. I can leave the house after bedtime and not worry about the house burning down or World War III breaking out. I decided this weekend that it is probably be a good idea to start boyfriend searching again. For those of you who are already in relationships, let me tell you, dating for a female occultist SUCKS. Most of the good occult men are already taken and the ones that aren't, have their pick of the litter. I am not bad looking and I take really good care of my body. Unfortunately, I am not a blue-eyed blond bombshell or a brazen red-headed seductress or a sexy and sweet brunette. I don't capture the eyes of men like some other women and guys are not normally attracted to me. I realized long ago that if I wanted a boyfriend I would have to use magick.

So this Friday on a whim I decided to have a lil fun with my magick and give it a trial run. I was a lil sad and the idea of going out and letting loose was pretty tempting. It has been a while since I got laid so I decided to conjure up a potential suitor. I have had pretty good results with these types of workings in the past. The decision was on a whim because I was at work when I decided to do it during the Venus hour and waiting for another 7 hours would have not been possible. I was limited to the items in my cubicle: paper, colored pens, a small mirror, some quartz crystals and some essential oil. I created a talisman. The talisman had a sigil, a sketch of the Lust card in the background and the sign for Venus. Around the perimeter of the talisman, I wrote some bits of a prayer to Venus that I found on the internet. I hopped on to the astral plane, used what I had in my cube and asked some Intelligences that I have been working with to empower the token. The entire working took me a 15 minute coffee break, quick and dirty.

That night, I can say I successfully conjured up a potential suitor, He was at a Karaoke bar I like to hang out at. I feel protected at the bar because the manager is a long-time close friend of mine so it feels more nurturing to me than sleazy. I have never had a single guy even bat an eye at me before at the bar. Unfortunately, the suitor was not what I expected. He wore a really BAD orange and green Hawaiian shirt (QBL for Mercury and Venus) and nothing else on his ass but a pair of silky loose fitting burgundy (QBL for Mars) boxer shorts. His hair was swept back ala Farrah Fawcett style. Oh!!! Did I mention he was a complete and utter PERVERT? He kept hollering and begging for me to come sit in his lap and at one point he even grabbed my waist.... Ewwwwww!!!! After some thought my friends decided he looked vaguely similar to Robert England:

I made sure I thanked the spirits with respect for their assistance but told them I wasn't really looking for this type of man.

And NO!!! My body did not come anywhere near his lap. Ewwwww, creepy pervert!!! {{shudder}}

I will leave it up to you and your imagination, Dear Reader, on which one of the two forms he took.

Hmmmm, I wonder if I actually conjured up a demon instead?


Yvonne said...

...well at least your ritual worked. For 15 minutes of magickal work I would say you did pretty good! Hilarious!

Robert said...

There are few people that do magick that don't have a similar story with this kind of magick. Grin.

Scott Stenwick said...

Here's my personal favorite statement of intent for spells like this:

"Bring me a partner who is in harmony with my will and whose will I am in harmony with."

"Partner" can be replaced with "suitor" or whatever term you feel best fits what you're looking for in a relationship. It's simple, to the point, and in my experience works quite well.

PhoenixAngel said...

thanks nutty! i think i did pretty good too. results are results, even if they are a lil sleazy. thanks! :)

PhoenixAngel said...

Ananael Qaa: I love those words. I will have to give them a try. Thanks!

Rob said...

Where is this magical land you live in where there are all these occultist girls searching for good men?

I've had the exact opposite luck. The vast majority of single occult girls I've met have been either morbidly obese, nearly twice my age, or just plain ugly, and usually a combination of at least two of these things. I lead with the looks because considering their personalities, their looks are their best quality. Most suffer from severe psychiatric disorders and have serious anger management issues, and this is in addition to being slothful, uncultured, usually chronically unemployed, and not very bright.

The few really attractive, or even moderately attractive, girls I've been introduced to have had some serious psychological problems and are usually addicted to hard drugs, mostly meth. It seems next to impossible to find an unspoken for girl that is somewhat physically and psychologically attractive, and not insane, in the community. I can literally count all of the ones I've met over the years on my hands, and there's a lot of competition for those girls because you never really see that.

Any advice on what I'm doing wrong would be appreciated.

By the way, are you sure that wasn't Robert England? Granted Robert England is still really gross, but at least he has the celebrity thing going for him. Sort-of kind-of anyways.

PhoenixAngel said...

@Frater Rob: I live in Bakersfield CA in the San Joaquin Valley (a short trip from your home base). Albeit, there are women here that meet your description to a certain extent such as obesity or mental illness, for the most part, my sisters here are beautiful strong women. I am one of the few that are single though.

My Leo pride is raging at this point and I do not want my dear readers to get the wrong impression of me. I do have to tell you that I am quite sane, responsible, a consummate educated professional engineer with a vested retirement plan, middle aged (but I look like I'm in my late 20s or early 30s), no addictions (except nicotine), cultured (love museums, music and fine wine), and a dress size of 4. I also have a great personality but I do have a tendency to be too quiet in person. As for anger issues, I tend to fume a bit when people anger me and occasionally I suffer from "stick my foot in my mouth" disease. I do seek balance, everyday though. As for my looks, I have been told that I am unattractive by some and "cute" by others. It's a mixed bag. I have been told tho, that when I smile I light up the room. I ask you, what is wrong with me? There has been no suitors, except for casual sex, which is few and far between. I think perhaps I am completely oblivious to the signals of interested parties.

As for you Rob, I cannot provide you with advice because I really do not know your situation.

It wasn't England, the pervert was a dark-haired man

Rob said...

Have you tried the New Age community? I have a cousin in LA who's into the whole New Age scene, and he's single and looking and very close to a male version of what you described yourself as. Not really an occultist, but he's open enough to it, and he seems typical of the New Agers I've met. I think you'd find a lot more eligible and suitable bachelors in that community. I know I've met quite a few eligible and suitable bachelorettes there. Granted you'd have to deal with crap like being asked if you've ever seen a ghost.

As for me, I'm awesome in every way, but especially in regards to physical attractiveness and penis size, so my situation doesn't really make sense.

I usually don't do so bad when I meet a girl. The problem is, it's very rare that I meet one in the community that I would be interested in dating. I hear stories about these attractive single girls in the community who are desperate for boyfriends, and I figure there must be some sort of group or order or coven that they're all going to, but I swear that meet-up is like frickin' El Dorado.

I think you're right that you're missing signals if you're not getting any suitors. I could just as easily describe the men in the community in the same way I described the women, except they lack the anger issues, and some are grotesquely thin. I'm guessing your problem isn't with suitors, but that it's just as difficult for you to even meet a halfway descent single man as it is for me to meet a halfway descent single girl.

As for what's wrong with you, you're probably too good. You'd be out of the league of most of the guys in the community that I've met. I'd give up the nicotine habit though. It'll open up a few more dating doors, and it's unseemly for a magician to have an addiction anyways.

PhoenixAngel said...

Frater Rob: You're a sweet guy and I will say prayers that you find the girl of your dreams who is worthy of your awesomeness. Thanks for the advice. ((bow))

LalaLief said...

Rob: There IS a difference between occult girls and junkie/ psychiatric patients.
Sure, quite some folks who are suffering from psychosis think they have a 6th sense. And meth users should quit the do. Don't let them discourage you.

I also know how hard it is to find a partner who's into occultism. i havent found him yet myself. In my country we're a very small minority. And in general I don't even discuss these matters with my partner. sad in one way, but to me occultism is a very private thing; I do have some long time friends who practise, but I keep things seperated as much as possible. Still it would be nice to have a true soulmate.

Wishing you the best.